“Rain?”

It came without warning, a sudden deluge from the heavens. The clouds, dark and swirling like black smoke, loomed ominously overhead. The wind snaked through the narrow streets, finding it way to slam against windows that were still left open. The howling wind echoed through the city, its eerie sound reverberated off the walls and down the street, filling the night with a haunting symphony.

“Has the rain really come?” An wondered, gazing out the window.

The rain fell steadily on the roof. The sound was hypnotic, a rhythmic beat that seemed to sync with the restless turmoil within An’s heart.

An sat motionless by the window, eyes unfocused, listening intently to the symphony sent from heaven. Her mind meandered through an endless corridor of memories. It felt as though she had been wandering for days, with the weight of recollections pressing on her.

Weary and in need of rest, she found a wave of drowsiness washing over her, pulling her into a realm of dreams. An hoped that this time, she would see something pleasant, something that soothed the wound in her heart. Yet, as sleep enveloped her, the visions that unfolded were far from comforting. The dream – or, better to say, the bittersweet memory – emerged, vivid and intimidating , featuring the first day An knew what love was.

That was an evening of two months ago. An remembered standing alone on the corner of the meeting hall. Surrounding An were two or three groups of students huddled together, chatting, and laughing. She quickly glanced around at everyone, then turned back to stare intently at the floor. Although An tried to appear aloof distant, she could not resist glancing every five seconds at the girl standing across from her. That girl was an upperclasswoman whom An had fallen for the moment she walked into this meeting. A secret meeting of LGBTQ students.

Getting to this meeting had been a significant internal struggle for her. Just five days ago, she had stood in front of the mirror, trying to convince herself: “I like boys… I like boys…”. But it was all in vain; An resisted betraying her authentic self: she was a lesbian. And despite society’s condemnation and the harsh reactions to same-sex love, and the physical and emotional damage that coming out could bring to the LGBTQ community, An could not deny her true identity.

So, when she arrived at this meeting and discovered her first love, An suddenly felt that all the prejudices and potential hurts didnot seem so daunting after all. Trying to talk to someone she liked might be even more than that. She stood there, hesitating, once again struggling with herself: “Should I try talking to her?”.

“I suppose this is your first time being here. I really appreciate it. Going to an LGBTQ meeting in this day and age is not an easy for like us. You can’t imagine how hard it is for me to hold this meeting.”

A sudden voice beside made An jump and step back in surprise. She turned to see who had spoken, and her astonishment was complete. Standing there was none other than Nam, an upperclassman adored by countless female students for his striking good looks and masculine charm.

“You are saying that you hold this meeting?” – An hated the way her voice shaked this time.

“Yes, why not? Is it that unbelieveable? I see the same reaction whenever people find out I’m here. You are the fifth one tonight.” – Nam answered while giggling.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to…”

“Forget it!” – Nam interrupted – “Anyway, I notice that you constantly look at Ly. Do you like her? She is my friend, I can help you.”

“So her name is Ly.” – An said to herself, and went on hesitating – “No, I don’t…”

“Don’t be shy, she is really nice. Why don’t you try talking to her once? You already know how challenging it’s for you, or to any of us to come here, to kind of.. being honest to our sexual orientation right? It’s not even that daunting to talk to her. Don’t waste tonight, or I should say, waste your bravery. I am here to help you.”

Nam spoke to her gently, trying to sound encouraging. Then, with a sudden mischievous grin, he chuckled before speaking out loud.

“Ly, can you come here please?”.

A bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, followed by a deafening clap of thunder. An jolted awake from the dream, then quickly sank back into the haze of longing.

An heard the sound of rain, but it was not the heavy downpour dancing outside, rather just the drizzle of an early spring day. She found herself standing under the shelter of a flower shop, a solitary figure amidst the hurried footsteps and splashing puddles of passersby. Before her, a neglected pot of roses awaited attention. She stood there, admiring the blooming flowers and whispered, “Spring has arrived.”

“Yes, and your honey has arrived too.”

An looked up and then broke into a radiant smile. Ly had arrived; her lover had arrived and was standing right in front of her.

“Are you daydreaming, my Cinderella?” – Ly asked affectionately – “I already told you to bring an umbrella, it would be rain.”

An giggled: “I intentionally not to, so that I can call you to pick me up.”

The memory slowly blurred, the details of their conversation that day slipping away from An’s grasp. What remained vivid, however, was the image of her and Ly holding hands under a shared umbrella, a picture rooted deeply into her dreams. As she lay in her slumber, a gentle smile unexpectedly curved her lips.

Yet, to An’s dismay, that day held no affection for her by only preserving the bright memories. It also harbored painful recollections, which now forcefully crept into An’s dreams and turned them into a nightmare.

The memory of that dinner slowly came into focus. An saw her family gathered around the dining table. Her parents were deep in conversation about work, oblivious to the TV in the background, which was recapping significant daily news: “The National Assembly is considering passing a resolution to repeal the ban on same-sex marriage…” An finished her meal and politely asked her parents for permission to go upstairs and study. Just as she was about to leave, her father called her back.

“Oh, wait! I have to do some calculations today, do you have a calculator sweetheart? May I borrow it?”

“Yes dad, I have. I keep it in my room. I will bring it downstair for you later.”

As soon as the words left her lips, An bolted up the stairs to her room. She quickly grabbed her diary, couldn’t wait to write down the joyous moments of the day.

“Today I’m the happiest girl in the world. My beloved Ly Ly came for me. We held hands all the way back home. She kept reminding me how much she loved me. I hope we will be together forever.”

Immersed in the sweetness of love, An slowly closed her eyes and let the happiness fill her soul. Somewhere along the way, she drifted off to sleep at her desk, totally forgot about what her father had said.

“Knock…knock…”

“Sweetheart, are you there? I call you several times to bring me the calculator but you don’t answer. May I come in?”

There were no answers.

“OK, honey, I will come in…Oh! Are you sleeping?”

Father opened the door and saw An resting. He looked around and wondered where the calculator could be. He suddenly caught sight of it lying next to the diary, so he tiptoed to the table and whispered:

“OK, I will just take this as I asked you before…”

His gaze wandered aimlessly, but with a sudden pang, it was drawn to the vibrant new journal entries. And, what followed was a heavy silence, deafening in its emptiness…

An jolted awake again from her troubled sleep, her face wet with tears she had not realized she had shed. Outside, the rain still poured relentlessly, and the wind howled through the leaves, sending chills down the spine of anyone who happened to hear. She sat there, dazed and lost, her eyes staring blankly into the infinite void. Tears dropped to her palm. An gazed at them, then looked at the crumpled pieces of paper in her hand. The sound of diary being torn apart, thrown towards her reverberated in her mind. Her father’s words from that day echoed in her head, words she had desperately tried to erase from her memory. Ironically, the more she struggled to forget, the more vividly she remembered.

“You’re such a black sheep. You’re sick in the head. I have to take you to the doctor to cure this disgusting disease.” An still remembered the way father shouted at her.

Like a broken tape stuck on an old scene, An replayed those words over and over. Tears streamed down her face, unable to wash away the pain she was enduring.

There were footsteps outside the door, followed by a rustling sound and then the door opening. An saw mother walking into the room, who then sofly embraced her.

“Honey, I know you’re really angry with us now. I’m so sorry that we ground you and take your phone. But believe me! What we’re doing now is good for you and your future. I know that you’re just being brainwashed by her right? I’m so sorry that we don’t take enough care of you.”

Her mother’s voice was gentle and steady, but each word felt like a knife cutting into her heart. With every word mother spoke, her despair grew.

“At the moment, you may not be able to accept this reality, but we will still move as your father said a few days ago. You know this is not an easy decision for us as parents. But moving to a completely new place will be very beneficial for your development, especially during this period of psychological change. Moreover, we will reduce our workload and spend more time with you. Isn’t that something to be happy about?”

An thought how cynical it was. Was this just a way to sugarcoat and avoid speaking bluntly “I want you to be cured”? Did mother now also regarded her as afflicted?

Mother continued speaking, but An could not make out the words, nor did she care to listen. Instead, her mind was consumed with questions: “Where is my Ly now? Does she know what’s going on? Did father come to confront her?…

… Can she come to me and take me to a place, far far away from this house?”

But that was just her fleeting hope. The harsh reality hit An painfully. No miracles unfold, no saviors came for her anymore.

Three days later, the rain finally ceased. Outside the house, a moving company’s van had arrived. Downstairs, the bustling noise of people running back and forth, the clattering of stuff colliding, as belongings were loaded onto the van, filled the air. Mother gently opened the door and saw An still sitting by the window, lost in thought. She said softly, “It’s time to go, dear.”

An took one last look at the neighbourhood before boarding the car. This place had been her home since she was born, and to say there was no lingering attachment would be a lie. Her father’s deep voice suddenly rang out. It had probably been at least two weeks since she had had a normal conversation with him:

“Do you forget anything?”

“No, dad.” An smiled gracefully.

“So, let’s go.”

Did she forget anything? Properly not. Yet did she deliberately forget anything? Possibly, but not necessarily. What was certain was that a few days later, people around saw a girl entering An’s for-sale-house. They thought she was a potential buyer, so they did not pay much attention. Therefore, they overlooked one detail: when the girl left the house, she was holding a tattered journal in her hand. Her eyes were red.

4 years later.

The sun painted the treetops in golden hues, while birds chirped merrily against the blue sky. On the ground, fallen leaves covered the road, rustling with every passerby. An sat idly under a tree, gazing at the scenery in front of her. In the distance stood the Harbor Bridge, majestically spanning and connecting Sydney.

Sydney, yes, An was here, in Sydney. Four years had passed swiftly since the day she moved away. Relocating to another city with family, donning a fake mask, pretending to obey her parents for all those years, studying furiously, earning a government scholarship, and finally arriving here. Reflecting on all she had been through, she felt proud of herself. No magic, no savior—so what? She would be her own fairy godmother. The pain and prejudice from her parents back then could not stop her from being true to herself. If the place where she lived could not accept her true self, the best thing to do was to move away. She just wondered if that person shared the same thoughts as she did.

She glanced around and was surprised to see a rose bush by the roadside starting to bloom.

“It’s already early winter, why are these roses still blooming?”

“Maybe the flowers are blooming to welcome your lover.”

A voice from behind An paralyzed every cell in her body. She could not believe her ears. She struggled with herself, unsure whether to turn around or not. She was scared. She was terrified that if she turned around, there would be no one there, and it would all be her imagination.

“Aren’t you going to turn around to look at your lover? I haven’t agreed to break up yet.”

Slowly, An turned her gaze towards who the voice belonged to. It was Ly. Ly stood there, holding a bouquet of roses and an old journal.

An stared at the diary. Her vision blurred, covered by a layer of tears. So many things she wanted to say surged up inside her, so many feelings she wanted to pour out, but no words came out. Her heart trembled, and she was not so sure that she could stay on her feet.

“I’m sorry, Cinderella! For it takes me this long to find you. I never wanted to leave you alone in that mess. When you suddenly texted me to break up, I was utterly shocked and devastated. I went to your house, and your father said you didn’t want to see me. I returned home, broken and desolate. But thinking back, his words seemed suspicious, so I decided to come back and find you to get to the bottom of it. When I got to your house, I found out you had already moved away. You can’t imagine how shattered I was. But I still dragged myself into your house, not even knowing why I did it. And yet, that turned out to be the best decision of my life.”

Ly paused, then continued with tears brimming in her eyes.

“I found your journal in the corner of the room. Seeing it torn apart, I knew something was wrong. And indeed, reading your entries about what had happened, I couldn’t stop crying. I had never felt so devastated. I knew that breakup text couldn’t have been from you. It was probably your father, wasn’t it? Since he had your phone. I thought I would never see you again. But luckily, I persisted until the last pages. You wrote that we would meet again here, in a place where our true selves are accepted, where we are grown and independent, where prejudices don’t force us to meet secretly.”

“I know I have no right to ask this, especially since I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. But I want to know, do we still have a chance? I’ve lost you for four years, and I don’t want to lose you anymore. I want to be with you for as long as possible, whether it’s here or back where we came from. Wherever you want to go, I’ll be with you.”

An broke down, responding through her sobs.

“You’re here now, and you’re asking if we have a chance? What reason would I have to say no? I came here as I said I would, overcoming all the challenges of time and space. Isn’t that answer enough?”

“My dear An, I love you. Let’s be together again.”

Ly smiled through her tears, like the sun breaking through the rain. And once the rain passed, a rainbow would surely show up on the horizon.